Pickle’s Words

I was so excited at the prospect of having land of my own…a place that was mine…a place where i could explore myself in sl…i knew it would a good experience for me…now having it…i dont think it is good…it is awesome…i love playing with everything…changing it…making reflect my own personality…but it is not just about having my own land…i am now part of an awesome community…i had an awesome day in sl…because of that community…duncan and i hung out at my island this morning and mattie came and we rode around in his boat…it was so much fun…i went shopping later with danny and robin for trees after robin showed us around his island and house and robin even let me have one of his trees for my island…later piper and liona came over and i showed them around my tiny house before going over to their island where they showed me around…piper helped me by putting up an invisible guard on my stairs so i wouldnt always fall off..it just felt so great to be a part of that community…everyone is so niceand i couldnt imagine living in a better place…wow!!!  thanks mattie and everyone else for letting me be a part of this…

It has been awhile since i wrote anything…i have been really busy in rl and i am trying to deal with this whole new turn in sl…i wrote before that i didnt know where i stood in sl without duncan…i still dont know where i fit or who i am…sometimes i think that if i just went and hung back out with duncan…nothing really will have changed…i met so many friends through him and now i wonder how many are still my friends or how many are just his…it is all so confusing…i love duncan and i dont want to stop being friends…it is just hard to find that place that is between…that place where we can fit together without it hurting…right now i am just kinda of wandering…it feels so weird…i just want to run and start over sometimes…but i love my sl friends…i like being me…i know i am just in a weird place right now…i am trying to concentrate on some other things…

I am getting in the land deal with all of the boys…so right now i am thinking about what to put on my land and what i want to do there…i am getting really excited about the idea of my own land…of a place to be…that is my own…right now…i just wander…i want a place to call my own…i have been looking at houses and other things that i would really like…

maybe soon i will start thinking about who i am…i just dont think i am ready yet…who knows…maybe i will never figure it out and that is prolly okay…

Just want to say thank you to everyone for all of their support and friendship…i really do appreciate it…love you all…

I am feeling really strange today…duncan and i have decided to just be friends…i know this is prolly for the best…but it is still hard…i hadnt even been on sl a month when duncan and i first got together and we were together over four months…but now we are not together…it feels so weird…i am kinda lost…i have based so much of my sl life around him…i dont know who pickle is any more…i guess this will give me some time to find myself…to find out who i am…dont get me wrong…duncan is still a part of my life…i am hoping that we will be really good friends forever…but now we are not a couple…

I hope that duncan knows how much i care for him and that i want us to always be friends…i know that we both need this and that it is not my fault or his fault…it is just something that we needed to be happy…i love you duncan and always will…

Duncan gave me the assignment to think of three punishments for when i am bad (spankings dont count) and three rewards for when i am good…this was kind of a rough assignment…it is hard to pick punishments or rewards for yourself…i asked a couple of people if they had any ideas…they had ideas for punishments but no one mentioned a reward…so here are three punishments that i have gotten some help with….

1)  I would not be allowed to spend money for a certain amount of time…decided by my master (of course this idea came from danny…who assures me that this is not as easy as it seems)

2) I would be grounded…i would not be allowed to leave a certain area decided by my master for a certain period of time decided by my master…

3)  I would have a day where i would have to wear a diaper…all of my bathroom privileges would be revoked for the day…

I really want to thank danny and shakes for  the help…they were so willing to share their ideas with me…as far as rewards go…i had less help…so here are three ideas…

1)  I would be allowed to have one sexual session of my choice…

2)  I would be allowed to have a master and pet shopping session where i get one outfit of my choice…

3)  I would be allowed to have a free day where i was allowed to act as i wish without repercussions by my master…dont have to necessarily follow the rules…

I hope these are atleast acceptable ideas for my master…i want him to be proud of me and think i tried hard to come up with some good ideas…*smiles*

Duncan and i decided to have one day a week where i would be either his puppy or hi little girl…today was my very first day with this…today i was his puppy…it was really strange…it was fun at first to be crawling around and seeing how far the leash would let me go…but then we went to see zen…it became really hard really fast…it was weird when he said hi and all I could do was bark at him…it was really embarrassing…he took it all very well and started to pick on me too…i kinda got comfortable with it…i kept leaving today cuz of rl stuff…but we still ahd a little playtime and duncan took me to a couple of different places…i was really scared of going out in public…but nobody said anything to me…so it turned out okay…the hardest thing was when duncan made me believe that he was gonna make me go to aspens as a puppy…i dont think i could have handled that…i begged him telling him that i would do anything to not have to go to aspens like that…he said that i could go to aspens as myself…

Overall today was a rollercoaster of emotions…i was was happy, scared, embarrassed, excited…i just wish i would have not been jumping on and off all night…so i could have spent more time being a puppy with duncan…i dont think i am ready to go somewhere like aspens like that tho…it just freaks me out way too much…i can handle one or two friends at a time…but not quite that many…i think that is beyond my limit…i still really liked it…next week i will be a little girl…we will see what that will bring for me…

Today I took off my collar to be able to dance at danny’s countdown party…because the collar kept me stuck in one position…when my master (duncan) go there…he was very dissappointed in me…he told me that i would need to be disciplined and that i needed to write a blog on what my collar meant to me…so here it is…

My collar for me is a sign of love and  respect…it is a reminder of many different things for me…it is way that i am reminded of my position in my sl life…i am duncans pet and he is my master…it reminds me that i need to remember that…it helps keep me out of trouble…it also reminds me how much i love duncan and respect him for everything that he does for me…it reminds me how much work he puts into me and our relationship…it also reminds me how much duncan loves me and takes care of me…even when he is not around…i feel his love and protection…my collar reminds me of all of that…my collar means so many things to me…it is also a piece of jewelry that i can change to match an outfit and fun play toy to use…i love some of the positions it has…i really like the one that i was stuck in…it allows me to even sit submissivly…i should have just tried to work something else out…i should never have taken it off…or at least have put my other collar on…there were multiple ways to solve my issue and i picked the worst option…i now know why it is so important for me to wear my collar…and i wont take it off again…atleast not without a good reason…

I was having a hard time having both rl and sl stuff in this blog…so i moved my rl stuff to a new blog at: abraveworld.wordpress.com …i was actually trying to make it abraveworld?…but this is what they gave me…

Duncan gave me an assignment to do before we put my new rules into use…i had to read some different web-pages and write a blog about these pages(these links are available in the page required reading)…the first page i read really made me think…i kept talking about how i needed duncan to be stricter and to kinda reign me in…but i realize that i need to work harder on my own submission…i want to push him sometimes and make him notice me…but it is on me to tell him that i need some more attention rather than push him to deal with me and questioning his authority…I also liked how it gave tips on how to move into these things much more slowly….little things that i can do as a sub to make the relationship better…the article talked about one major thing that many subs need to work on and i know that it is one of my weaknesses too…that is patience…i tend to want things to just happen suddenly and be perfect and that is not how the world works…

A lot of this reading made me think about how much i am expecting out of duncan…without thinking about what is necessary for me to put into it…i guess some of the tough things that i know i have to do but are extremely difficult are the things like communication and honesty…there are so many things that I have a hard time saying out loud…i am hoping that i can overcome some of these fears…if i am open and honest with duncan our relationship will flourish…i know that…yet it doesn’t alleviate all of the fears that i have…

I am so nervous and excited about what is coming…i know that there will be ups and downs in our relationship…but as long as we communicate all of our wants and needs to each other…we will be wonderful…